Sample #2 Wisdom for Dealing with a Difficult Person

Prep 

Simplified Option:  Do each bullet point in separate settings if necessary.

  • List a few Scripture passages having to do with the kind of relationship you have with the person (brother or sister in Christ, family member, employer, etc.). Don’t read the passages closely, just have the references listed and ready.
  • List at least two passages that describe the work/ministry of each person of the Godhead: God the Father, the Holy Spirit and Jesus. Don’t read the passages closely, just have the references listed and ready.
  • Try to find a book, teaching audio or blog post regarding the type of relationship you have with the person.  You don’t need to read or listen to them yet, just mark pertinent sections or have audio cued and ready.

Plan

Simplified Option: Do all of Step 1 follow by one or two points of Step 2.  Repeat this process until you complete Step 2.

Step 1: 

  • Sit in silence with eyes closed until you sense a quietness within (listen to music during this time if you desire)
  • With your palms open as in release, read or listen to audio of Philippians 2: 1-8 & Colossians 3:12-15.
  • Pray in response, expressing your desire to embrace those Biblical directives in your dealings with the person; confess your total inability to do so without supernatural empowerment.
  • IMPORTANT:  Thank God for allowing the person and the difficulty they cause to enter your life.  Express gratitude for the opportunity to change and be refined through this difficult person. Claim Romans 8:28-29 believing God to work this difficulty out for good.

Step 2:

  • Summarize the struggle you have with the person.  Be honest and specific. Write the summary out (or type and print it).
  • Slowly read over the summary. Ask the Lord to reveal any hidden fears that might be fueling anger or hurt in the relationship.
    • For example, hurt could spring from the fear of being marginalized or unloved; disrespected or humiliated. Anger could be fueled by the fear of having something taken or withheld. It’s important to identify the why behind what we feel so we can raise the core issue up to His light.
  • Write down the fears you identified beside appropriate parts of the summary.
    • For example, beside “I’m angry this person made it hard for women to attend a ministry I lead.” I could write, “fear of valuable ministry being de-valued and the ministry I love taken from me”
  • Picture Jesus sitting across from you, looking deeply into your eyes and asking the question He often asked in the Gospels, “_______, what would you have Me do for you?”
  • Read Him the struggle summary and admit the fear issues behind the emotions you’re dealing with. Ask Him for faith, love, and wisdom.
    • Faith to trust HIM to meet the need this person is undermining.  Faith to believe Him over them.  Believe His promises will trump their antics.
    • Love to serve and care for the person regardless of difficulty.
      • Remember, love is not usually passive.  It could mean only praying and allowing the Lord to handle things, but it could also mean humbly confronting or seeking Biblical counsel. Only the Lord can reveal the right method and means for individual situations.
    • Wisdom to Biblically interact with the person on a very practical level.
      • There are times to set boundaries or back off from interacting. There are also times to initiate interactions. Other times we need to simply suck it up and be supportive of even a difficult person.  Only the Lord can guide us accordingly.
  • Wait. Listen. Write down any insights, random thoughts or impressions that arise.  If nothing comes to mind, just sit in silence expressing your unspoken need in meditation until you sense closure.

Simplified Option: Do all of Step 1 follow by two points of Step 3.  Repeat this process twice to complete Step 3.

Step 3:

  • Read through the passages you listed regarding God the Father, the Holy Spirit and Jesus.
  • Meditate on the ministry of each member of the Godhead one at a time, writing down practical ways in which God—in three persons, ministers to His children and works on their behalf.
    • For example, the Father loves all His children too much to spoil or indulge any of them. The Holy Spirit groans in prayer for God’s children and can be grieved or quenched by them.  The love of Jesus is wholly sacrificial yet burning with holy jealousy and will not tolerate rivals or idols.
    • Acknowledge this ministry is not only poured out on you, but it is equally poured out on the difficult person.
  • List the practical implications of God’s ministry on your behalf.  Make a second list of implications for the difficult person.
  • Praise and worship God in three persons for their supreme ability to address all issues involving the difficult person and to do so in perfect love, truth, and holiness.  Surrender yourself to allow Him to address hidden issues in your life as well.  Let the sober reality of God’s impartial dealings with you both sink in.  Let it fill you with deep comfort and conviction.

Simplified Option: Do all of Step 1 follow by all four points of  Step 4.

Step 4:

  • Read the passages you listed that contain instructions regarding the kind of relationship you have with the person.  Take one passage at a time; read slowly and thoughtfully.  Pray. Listen. Wait.
  • Write down directions and acts of obedience the Holy Spirit convicts you to make.
  • Pray in response, offering your willingness to obey, acknowledging God is not partial; He will not let you get by with disobedience any more than He will the difficult person.
  • Let the reality of God’s impartial love for both you and the difficult person to sink in and humble you. Express any needed repentance.  Ask for grace to make all needed changes.

Simplified Option:  If possible, do all of the Conclusion in one setting.  If not, break it into two settings.

Conclusion: 

  • IMPORTANT: Thank God for allowing the person and the difficulty to enter your life.  Claim Romans 8:28-29 believing this to work out for good.  Express gratitude for the opportunity to change and to be refined through encountering the person and the difficulties they’ve caused.
  • Review your summary of the struggle with this person.
  • Reflect again on the hidden fears behind your interactions in the relationship.
  • Express your desire to trust the Lord with those fears believing His power will trump all attempts to hinder or hurt. Express your desire for faith, love, and wisdom to deal Biblically in the relationship.
  • Review any instructions or action steps of obedience from the relationship passages you read.
  • Focus on the attributes of the Godhead at work in your life. Then focus on His work in the life of the difficult person.  Worship. Let trust and thankfulness replace frustration and stress. Embrace the joy of the Lord.  Celebrate with music.